The Best Spinoff Since "Joey."

Check it out: two posts in as many days. Because, after more or less (if by “more or less” you mean “more”) falling off of the face of the earth (if by “the Earth” you mean “the internet”) for the past year (if by “the past year” you mean…okay, listen, you seriously have to work on your diction), I’m back. And while I’ve been enjoying this summer freedom for about a month now, it still feels good to write something for fun, rather than for a grade (or, since some professors don’t believe in grades, for another construction paper apple to tape to my “Progress Tree”). Watch as I use so many more words than necessary to get my honestly nearly nonexistent point across! Stand powerlessly as I refuse to cite my sources, an offense that has been called the equivalent to “stealing someone else's work or ideas.” (Marvel at my overuse of the parenthetical aside.) What are you going to do about it? You can’t do anything! Because I run this town, and the only thing you can do here is know your role and get back in line.

Whoa. Sorry. Just had to get that out of my system. I promise, from here on out, you’re a guest in this town, and you’ll be treated as such. Here, have some of our trademark toffee. And a pamphlet featuring the story of our founders and a tour schedule. Hold on, though, no bikes on the sidewalks. C’mon, read the signs!

But, right, here’s where I try to break out of my “I’m too busy to exist” lifestyle and to break into your hearts.

Because I present to you: the spinoff.

My mission is threefold:

1. To ensure that I write at least three completely useless sentences a day.
2. To provide a different take on the “this is my life and what happens in it, don’t you care, like, a lot??!” blog.
3. To maybe even put some of that “use less words” stuff that’s been hammered into my head this semester to use.

Maybe it’ll be fun. Maybe I’ll forget about it by tomorrow. Let’s see what happens!