Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Blog Post Disappoints Blog's Three Readers!

[Disclaimer: so, I wrote this a week-and-a-half ago, and realized I'd never posted it. But then, I'd never promised to be relevant--just vaguely resemblant of something entertaining.]

In an effort to act like the grownup that I apparently (and suddenly) am, I’ve taken up reading the newspaper (because it was either “read the newspaper” or “quit throwing High School Musical parties for all of my friends,” which: yeah, right, we all love movie stars too much for that!) Or, more accurately, I’ve taken up buying The New York Times every day, keeping it on my desk for the next two days, deciding that if anything really important (read: anything that would have resulted in my being blown up) had happened, I would have heard about it, already, and then throwing it aw—I mean, bringing it to the recycling center, while wearing my “styNOfoam!” t-shirt and planting apple trees along the way.

At least, that was the case until last week, when my entire opinion of current events that Jon Stewart does not have an opinion on changed with three words: astronaut love triangle. Because, not to run this into the ground any more than it already has been (I mean, Letterman alone has already taken it into “funny because I know that it’s not funny” territory—which, to go on a tangent-within-a-tangent, I kind of love that most of his monologues appear entirely lame until you understand it’s funny because he knows that it’s “B” material), but you guys! She followed her romantic rival while wearing a wig and a diaper and carrying a BB gun, a four-inch folding buck knife, a new steel mallet, black gloves, rubber tubing, and plastic garbage bags. I mean, how often does the front page of The New York Times intersect quite so perfectly with Harlequin romance novels, the first five minutes of CSI, and Reno: 911, all at the same time?

And since then, the news has really picked up, with stories about Russian dog fights and real-life long-lost Da Vincis and, uh, “More Girls Take Part In High School Wrestling” (and, right, this would have been a fine time to break the comic rule of threes). Sure, there’s still Baghdad and North Korea and The Daily Article About the Scooter Libby Trial That I Don’t Exactly Understand, but…the point is, I get to read about Russian dog fights and look smart doing it. And you never know when another cosmonaut will completely lose it.

Background noise: The New Pornographers “High Art, Local News.” Okay, so I’m not sure how applicable this one really is, but it has the word “news” in the title and I don’t have time to Google the lyrics on account of class in five minutes, but it’s a good song either way, so…there you go.


Anonymous Kiana said...

Well said.

7:50 PM  

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