What's a spork?
OH MY GOSH READ THIS.
Now, don’t you wish you didn’t?
While real-life examples are pretty slim (until now – UGH), as a slow-motion replay of my reaction to certain scenes of Buffy and Kill Bill will tell you, I hate eyeball violence. I mean, if we’re talking fiction here, I can deal with on-screen injections, amputations (otherwise I wouldn’t have made it through four seasons of 24 – “There’s another terrorist attack!” “Did you try cutting your arm off?” “Good plan! Quick, where are the lefty scissors?!”) and anything Se7en wants to throw at me, without looking away. But let’s say Marshall just accidentally killed the guy who was supposed to get him to some very important files, and those files are blocked by a retinal scan, and now Marshall’s gotta think quick and improvise, because they can still use this guy’s eyes if only our hero can find some tool or something. Now read the quote I used to title this post and try to guess what Marshall did, in what was probably the funniest yet most disgusting episode of Alias, ever. Yes – there was prying.
It’s that “ugh, imagine what that would feel like – NO DON’T – BUT I ALREADY AM!” kind of gross.
And another thing: Why do these types of stories get filed under the “Peculiar Postings” section of the news, all the time? Because there’s a difference between “peculiar” and “horrific,” and I just think that headlines like “Seal bites off woman’s nose” or “Suicide victim mistaken for Halloween decoration” look kind of weird lodged in-between “Woman stuffs bra with stolen parrot” and, ya know, “Now there’s salmon-flavored soda.”
Which, actually, might have eyeball violence beat in the “yuck” department. On second thought, no, because: She stepped on it! It made a squish sound!
Now, don’t you wish you didn’t?
While real-life examples are pretty slim (until now – UGH), as a slow-motion replay of my reaction to certain scenes of Buffy and Kill Bill will tell you, I hate eyeball violence. I mean, if we’re talking fiction here, I can deal with on-screen injections, amputations (otherwise I wouldn’t have made it through four seasons of 24 – “There’s another terrorist attack!” “Did you try cutting your arm off?” “Good plan! Quick, where are the lefty scissors?!”) and anything Se7en wants to throw at me, without looking away. But let’s say Marshall just accidentally killed the guy who was supposed to get him to some very important files, and those files are blocked by a retinal scan, and now Marshall’s gotta think quick and improvise, because they can still use this guy’s eyes if only our hero can find some tool or something. Now read the quote I used to title this post and try to guess what Marshall did, in what was probably the funniest yet most disgusting episode of Alias, ever. Yes – there was prying.
It’s that “ugh, imagine what that would feel like – NO DON’T – BUT I ALREADY AM!” kind of gross.
And another thing: Why do these types of stories get filed under the “Peculiar Postings” section of the news, all the time? Because there’s a difference between “peculiar” and “horrific,” and I just think that headlines like “Seal bites off woman’s nose” or “Suicide victim mistaken for Halloween decoration” look kind of weird lodged in-between “Woman stuffs bra with stolen parrot” and, ya know, “Now there’s salmon-flavored soda.”
Which, actually, might have eyeball violence beat in the “yuck” department. On second thought, no, because: She stepped on it! It made a squish sound!
posted by Matt at 1:43 PM
2 Comments:
About last blog - I always thought there were 2 "v"'s in Aardvark... :)
Oh man, I completely forgot - how are we going to start the Aardvvark Revolution if I keep on keeping on with just the one "V"??
THE REVOLUTION IS NOW!
And, whoa, a comment. Nice to know I'm not just talking to me. Unless, of course, I posted that comment in an attempt to start a trend. Which I didn't! I swear!
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